Department of Redundancy Department

2011-07-04T07:24:00.002-05:00

This is a magic the gathering variant I heard about from my friend Jake:

Its called 9

draw 9 cards to start

every turn after that you draw 2

you can play 2 lands per turn.

and that is 9.

2011-07-03T21:29:00.001-05:00

yes Im incredibly lazy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47gxm1m2jus

2011-06-28T09:22:00.001-05:00

well in order to get commenting back I had to change templates - sigh

2011-06-27T13:03:00.001-05:00

well I guess Im bringing this place back...first order of business will be to fix the comments...haloscan has gone all funky....check back 2morrow and maybe Ill have them fixed.

2011-02-17T16:37:00.001-06:00

Hey Mr. God can you tell me what's
Wrong with my life and all of its confusions
Why did she leave me with nothing to show
Except for a shallow disillusion
'cause I can't seem to figure out
Why you feel this way
And I guess I'm to blame
If I told you that I didn't care about this place
Would you think of me the same
Could you please tell me why
Could you please tell me why
Could you please tell me why
Why I can't ever find the answer to something
I will never understand
Could you please tell me why
I sit back thinking that there once was a time
A time where everything was perfect
It seems the things we shared were so far behind
Behind but we're never getting closer
'cause I can feel your shadow hanging over me
And I'm just peering through the light
Now I realized you never really cared for me
Will I ever see
Could you please tell me why
Why I can't hold on to the person
That I tried so hard to find
Could you please tell me why

2009-07-26T07:20:00.000-05:00

http://h.imagehost.org/view/0970/100_1858

2009-07-26T04:07:00.001-05:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Responsibility_assumption

2009-07-25T04:52:00.001-05:00

Hello world! Hope you are doing ok out there.

:^)

All I can do is smile, the only bad thing is I have very few teeth left. LOL :^)

2009-07-24T09:49:00.001-05:00

Burned alot of stuff today. Probably too much.

2008-10-07T21:07:00.000-05:00

who are the 41 people coming here a week anymore?

2008-08-11T01:31:00.002-05:00

I am scared of my new job, Oh and quit being so hungry all the time.

And maybe I was wrong about hating internet trolls.

I learned that from Jesus. But I only ever read about it in books. Or whatever his name is.

You guys should get with him sometime.

He doesnt act like the dude you sent to my house "this time around" tho.

I already gave up everything I had to have. and went with love.

Night night. And have a great day!

2008-08-10T16:32:00.002-05:00

Love is the answer.

I do not love internet trolls.

Sorry Jesus I just couldnt do it. I do love alot of other things tho.

Thanks for helping me give up what I had to tho.

Thats a relief.

Charles Darwin is Dead tho. Robots are inherently bad.

And the milky way Is always getting bigger.

Praise be the word of God upon the earth. In any form.

It is his word, not mine.

Maybe now I can get some sleep.

2008-08-07T19:07:00.002-05:00

Paula says

Not sure if this drama is real, or not? Just in case it is real, no one is talking about you on their blogs except me!
I miss the old Canopenner. I read your feed several times a week. Your Christian nature was always apparent, whether you mentioned Christ or not.

Thanks Paula!

I got really scared over the parable you told me.

Ill recap for the people who didnt get to read it.

Matthew 13:44-46

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up; then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

So yeah, I got REALLY REALLY scared of that.

But then I realized it was my pride making me scared. I shouldnt be so proud. I needed to realize that all the good things I have are NOT the fruits of my labors. They are not some kind of reward.

They are simply the gifts from God unto the world, and I need to freely recieve them. I thank him wholeheartedly!

The thing that made me realize that I was proud and I was trying to do the things for myself and I never could was this next parable. The one of the closed door:

Luke 13:22-30

He went on his way through towns and villages, teaching, and journeying toward Jerusalem. And some one said to him, "Lord, will those who are saved be few?" And he said to them, "Strive to enter by the narrow door; for many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able. When once the householder has risen up and shut the door, you will begin to stand outside and to knock at the door, saying, `Lord, open to us.' He will answer you, `I do not know where you come from.' Then you will begin to say, `We ate and drank in your presence, and you taught in our streets.' But he will say, `I tell you, I do not know where you come from; depart from me, all you workers of iniquity!' There you will weep and gnash your teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God and you yourselves thrust out. And men will come from east and west, and from north and south, and sit at table in the kingdom of God. And behold, some are last who will be first, and some are first who will be last."

Because the only way in is by following someone who does know God.

Like his word. Jesus. And a mighty and wonderful word it is!

Isaiah 55:11

So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

2008-08-06T17:55:00.002-05:00

I cant be sorry about talking about Jesus and The Good News and Eternal Life.

Sorry.

Remember the harrowing

Harrowing_of_Hell

:^)

And Im sorry if it makes you mad, but really it shouldnt.

:^)

2008-08-06T08:18:00.002-05:00

Butchie says:

I think you might be taking this whole internet thing a bit too seriously.

I dont think so.

I know you guys think that this internet interaction stuff is "Not real" , and "just for fun", but I dont think that. These interactions are just as real as any I have throughout the day face to face. I try and be nice to those people I meet face to face. I try and be nice to you guys too. I know sometimes I lose my temper and turn into an asshole. Be it here or "In real life". But thats normal (believe it or not) for people to get angry about stuff and then try and find an outlet for their anger.

I also told all my RL friends about that old lady and the dimes, I wanted to share that with everyone I knew, if it could give any small comfort to any of the people I told it too then it would be well worth me talking about. And that includes you guys too.

I do feel bad for mr. X. I feel bad for anyone who is mean all the time, doesnt encourage others and generally is a big jerkface. Let alone the people who go out of their way to act like that.

Most of all I feel bad for him having to use a slow ass proxy server all the time to hide his identity.

I just dont see how he could ever find real happiness in "the really real world" if his personality is anything like it comes across here.

Today he is trying to make me feel bad about having one eyebrow, if he knew me in real life he would know I like having one eyebrow. It gives me something to joke about, and why would I want to look like everyone else anyway?

Ill tell you what I sure wont shave it or pluck it off.

I dont mind being different from other people.

And for all the amount I fight with you butchie, and all the times I have ever gotten sick of your comments they are not like his, You are funny most of the time, and I know your insults are meant to amuse yourself, (and me if I can get past the insulting nature of it all) not so much to cut people to the bone and make them feel crappy about themselves. And most of all I know you do have good things in your life, Your wife, your daughter, I assume a loving home life, no matter what I know that those things(and others Im sure) will make you struggle to be a better person, more so than anything I say here.

But the frequency of Mr. X's comments, and the totally caustic nature of them makes me think that he needs some more good things in his life.

I mean come on, what could be more depressing than coming here everyday to make fun of my one eyebrow? Or call me a "shitbag"? or say I have runaway nosehair?(LOL) How come that dude doesnt have something better to do? And on a slow ass proxy too! UGH!

Butchie I dont think youve used a proxy server since I banned you that 15 or so times. And I certainly dont for one minute think you "enjoy" using one.

Why does this guy even think he needs to hide who is? He doesnt want me to kick raymis dog? What? He wants me to kick raymis dog? huh?

He should know that Im only a dangerous asshole when I get angry and this new comment format Ive been using combined with not going to any of your blogs (God only knows what you say about me there) seems to have nipped that in the bud(thankfully). So whats he scared of?

I dont get it.

Ill tell you what tho, I really like things around here like they are, Im starting to feel comfortable again about blogging here. Maybe moreso than I used to be before.
And also I think you guys need someone ministering to you. So I guess Ill do that until you stop coming. After all I dont think your pouring over the good book or any book to find something alot of you tell me Im crazy for believing in.

Its like you think you'll live forever and you dont need any tools to make your last 60 years/10 minutes here any easier.

For instance I prolly wouldnt have told you guys that good news about the lady and her dimes on my blog as it was before, for fear of having someone tell me it was stupid and retarded. But I really think you all needed to hear it, maybe even more than the people I know in real life. And it really is GREAT NEWS no matter what you guys think or say.

Its like this stuff here:

http://kingjbible.com/isaiah/55.htm

How could anyone not wanna hear that stuff? Its good news! And I think its important stuff for me to share with anyone who will listen to me, even if it only makes the last gasping breath of your lives more comfortable. But I think it will do alot more than that.

I hope you have a great day butchie, and thank you for your comment!

:^)

2008-08-05T17:07:00.003-05:00

For all my talking about how people need not worry and God will save all our worthless butts and what great news that is (At least to me), I got some pretty nasty remarks back.

Mr X, in all his great intelligence, insight and massive reasoning ability replies:

"You dumb fucking shitbag."

And also

"Mole removal. Check it out."

Lets address his first insight into the nature of the universe.

Yes, I am a shitbag, in that I walk around carrying with me bowels full of shit. In fact, everything I consume becomes shit. But Mr. X, you seem to have forgotten that you yourself are inflicted with the same issues of excrement mobility that I have. Everything you consume also becomes shit, and Im afraid that you carry it around with you as well, just like I do.

As for me being "dumb", would you compare the intelligence between ants? between fish? between rats? of even chimpanzees? Of course not, generally speaking any ant is as smart as any other ant, any fish has an intelligence pretty much equal to any fish of the same species. And I havent heard of many chimpanzee jailbreaks from any zoos in the country, so we have to assume that they are all about as smart as each other too.

So yes, I am equally as stupid as the rest of the entire human race. Some might be fractionally smarter than me and other marginally more stupid, but from an outside viewpoint looking in I believe we are all about as smart as each other. To argue against that would be to argue against logic itself. Not that you have any qualms about not being logical. I would mention how nicely this particular argument works itself into my Christian Doctrine but I know you wouldnt listen anyway.

So as demeaning as that is for me to admit it, I am basically the same as you, its true.

Now about the mole removal statement, this is another place we differ, I dont think theres anything wrong with me.

Be it my moles, my constant quest for self improvement and spiritual enlightenment, the people I hang out with, the car I drive, my haircut, or the way I live my life.

You on the other hand must really think theres something wrong with you, to come here, to my blog, to attack me, for what purpose?

To make yourself feel better about your insecurities, your shortcomings, your problems?

Your "mole removal"?

Where did you fail so badly in life that you feel the need to come here and attack me anonymously via a proxy server? What brought you so low? What warped your poor mind to the point where you enjoy this, the cruelty to/and mockery of others over anything that is good and helpful and productive?

Hey and before I go, you need to check out John 7:24, "Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment."

And Mr.X I do hope you find something better to do than be mean, name call, and generally make an ass of yourself.

But If not Ill be here to try and help you.

2008-08-05T11:24:00.003-05:00

X says:

you are sick and seriously fucked up and really need to get a life you fucking twit. angels? sinners? repent? secret messages?
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!

Dear Mr. X

I think we have a fundamental difference of opinion.

I believe that God is something that one should seek, and once you seek God, you will find God.

You on the other hand have no interest in such a thing, to the point where if someone else finds him you put your hands over your ears and start calling them names, and telling them the things they have found are ridiculous.

This really illustrates your underlying interest in remaining ignorant, in staying in the darkness from which you sprang. Because there, in that darkness you can be free to lash out and claw at the other things that are there in the darkness with you, because there is no underlying truth, no light, no right or wrong, no comforting spirit to guide you.

I feel sad that you wont listen to good news when you hear it. But like I said before, that old lady will have her dimes. And if the goodness doesnt get you this time around then Ill hope for the next.

Really tho why wouldnt someone want to hear and believe that God loves you and has your back and that everything will work itself out for the best in the end?

Now that is truly madness!

2008-08-04T17:14:00.003-05:00

Moodkiller asks(in regards to the old lady and the money good news):

What exactly does that mean canopenner? Does it mean she's rejoicing over her found coin as one would rejoice in front of the angels after a sinner repents for their sin? As to say that finding a lost coin is the same as receiving eternal life in heaven?
Hey Robert, I know you won't post this comment, but it would make for a good discussion on here for another post.

I think God is the old woman who lost her coin(the coin is you, or me, or butchie, or any other soul destined for damnation).

She wants her coin back because it is good for things, and it belongs to her. So she does everything she can possibly do to recover the coin.

Since(For the sake of argument) God is the old woman, he will do whatever it takes to reclaim what is his(or her's, it's?) and since he/she/it is God then nothing is outside of his/her/it's power and all things shall be returned unto him/her/it.

So thats the good news. Or at least my interpretation of it.

Im sure alot of the people who read this blog dont worry about the things that are Gods, or their place in the universe.

But I worry about these things. ALOT and when I finally figured out what that parable meant I jumped for joy because it was like Jesus left me a secret message to decode and the answer comes out "Dont worry everything will be ok, Gods got it covered"

I also have been chewing on the harrowing.

Link here

When Jesus descends into hell to save the sinners there.

And I for one will testify that Gods greatness and majesty touch me here, and that Jesus saves me from the shackles of shame and torment my spirit undertakes in this prison of rending flesh that I am held in.

And Im sorry if any of you dont feel the same way.

!BUT! I am sure that the old lady wont be without any of her dimes! You cant hide under the carpets and in the corners forever, sooner or later you will be forced to see the light. And your only punishing yourself by refusing to see it.

:^)

And if that aint enough for ya try this

2008-08-04T12:32:00.002-05:00

I got some good news for you guys to hear, whether or not you wanna listen to it is up to you. Of course, I got it from Jesus. Because maybe you heard, he is the good news.

It goes like this:

Luke 15:8-10

suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin. In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.

So there you have it.

2008-08-04T08:06:00.000-05:00

MANGOFALLS

2008-08-03T11:46:00.000-05:00

2008-08-03T02:17:00.007-05:00

Dearest Kelly,

Yes, I got your note.

And I thought it might be nice to clarify some things.

I am not publishing any comments. I have them all saved nice and neat in the pending moderation section. In retrospect most comments on this blog had nothing to do with my posts anyway, so it doesn't matter to me if they are disjointed from the posts they "came from".

Doing things this way has greatly reduced the amount of bullshit mean comments I was getting before(Im sure you are aware of how much those bothered me). YAY ME. Most people who I perceived as being mean have stopped, probably because they were doing it to impress other people or publicly humiliate me(excepting butchie who apparently still wants to sit in the corner and insult me). And this way still allows an avenue for people to contact me or send me well wishes or whatever privately in the comments if they so desire.

And obviously I can answer questions to whoever I see fit.

Like I just did with you! Thanks for asking such a wonderful question!

butchie says I am pussy, but I think I am making the best possible use of the web services being offered me under the given circumstance. So Im happy about that.

I mean, I really had to get creative to find a way to keep from deleting this blog and keep myself from bottling up anger until I explode(not in a good way) right in someones face. Which Im sure youre also aware I hate doing, losing my temper just makes me even more angry. I HATE being angry because it makes me mean. So I will keep trying to avoid it all possible costs.

And this time the cost was public comments.

But I really think it hurts the troll-ish mean a-hole types alot more than it hurts Me. Butchie obviously is super pissed about it. (which I think gives me some private joy I hate to admit)

Hopefully this way I can maintain a demeaner that I dont need to feel bad about.

Thanks again and have a great day! :^)

-Canopenner

PS I thought it might also be fun to see if haloscan will just keep letting me pile up my comments in there forever. And so far it sure seems like it will. If not maybe then I will start deleting comments. But so far that hasnt happened and Im still getting plenty of comments.

tootles,

-C

2008-08-02T21:33:00.002-05:00

Hey butchie glad to see you are back.

I left you a little message back in the letterboard.

Hope you like it!

2008-08-02T21:00:00.001-05:00

Strangely enough I came to believe this song is really about tom hanks and his pet ball wilson in the movie castaway.

Why dont you let me know what you think of that?

2008-08-02T11:50:00.000-05:00

2008-08-01T10:52:00.001-05:00

2008-08-01T08:08:00.000-05:00

2008-07-31T14:05:00.000-05:00

Dont be a critic, it murders the heart.

2008-07-31T08:20:00.002-05:00

Its good to see leslie is still alive.

Since I have sworn off going to anyone in that "rings" blog I was pleased to see that she is up and about and commenting.

f1lter, yeah you should definitely call me.

And also I want to thank all the other commenters I am not specifically mentioning in my posts. I am glad to see all of you too.

But, it seems "mr x" and butchie have, for the time being, given up the ghost. Hope you guys come back soon.

Instead of having a good day, lets try and be kind and happy.

I think thats probably more agreeable and less cliched than what I used to say.

2008-07-30T10:34:00.001-05:00

mr. X now says:

"no they both suck hey captain tard, you might as well go back to boring everyone with your nacho posts, either way you're still blogging and you're still canopenner and you're still a tool"

-Wow dude-You sure take yourself and me so seriously. Havent they told you to chill out? BTW what both suck? Thats a bad attitude to have.

Try some self hypnosis.

Repeat after me

everything is great

everything is great

everything is great

Keep doing that long enough and you'll come around.

Id also recommend "putting it all on Jesus", know what I mean? Prolly not.

Anyway.

DID SOMEONE SAY TOOL!?!

2008-07-30T10:10:00.001-05:00

OMG I cant stop!

2008-07-30T09:32:00.001-05:00

I think this is alot more fun than my old blog.

:^)

2008-07-30T08:30:00.004-05:00

Mr. X says:

"posted by canopenner at 8:08 am" do you know anything about schizophrenia? how about asperger's syndrome? how about what's for dinner?
and please clean up your yard.

Yeah, I know a few things about both those things.

1. schizophrenia I dont piss in public, or carry around garbage in my pockets, if I did either one of those things then I would meet the criteria for that psychological disorder.

2. asperger's syndrome, is one of those flavors of the month from the good folks at baskin robins 31 versions of diagnostic psychology. And a very popular flavor it is too!

One thing about those aspergerites is #1 they hate change, I embrace it, and #2 piss them off and they break the dishes. I havent broken any dishes in about 10 years.(oh f* thats 2 things!)

Guess again! I liked it better when people said I was Psychotic, another one they like to call me is Obsessive/Compulsive.

But hey, I just think Im being me.

:^)

Dude, I got no yard. And for dinner? Of course its FISH! Canopenner is all about the fish! DONT YOU KNOW THAT BY NOW!!!???

LOL

2008-07-30T08:18:00.000-05:00

2008-07-30T08:08:00.002-05:00

Oh Mr. X, Mr X, Mr X...

Melodrama is for girls?

My shit is not together?

I beg to differ on all points.

And what, you dont think canopenner could hand off his account credentials and let me do the talking around here? I think that certainly is in the realm of possibility. Of course Im sure I have a much broader sense of that realm than you guys seem to.

After all doesnt he have better things to do than listen to you guys bitch and call names all day? I would certainly hope he...er...I did

And no note from butchie? I feel so unloved and neglected!!!

I bet he left a nice little curse word in the alphabet board below, he loves doing that. Someone should really get him some spray paint for christmas or something. More people would probably see something he wrote on the side of his local grocery store.

2008-07-29T19:15:00.003-05:00

Nuke...my blog? OoOoOoO now I catch what your saying...

I only said Id stop being canopenner.

I havent left any comments as him lately have I?

Im feeling like a new person.

In fact, go away! Im not the real canopenner! You must have the wrong blog or something...

...No I dont think Ill be "nuking" this blog...

Boy subconsciously Mr X you sure do credit me with incredible powers.

NUKE!?! Wow. Thanks again!

And also thank you everyone else(Except butchie)for the warm wishes. Sorry I have a tendency to focus on the negative.

:^)

2008-07-29T15:47:00.003-05:00

Mr. X, I think you forgot a comma somewheres in your message, it doesnt really make any sense, I dont have any nukes, and I highly doubt anyone is going to nuke me.

Please be more clear next time.

Butchie, I know you are all bent out of shape that I wont play your little games anymore. In fact I wouldnt be telling you this now except I have alternative reasons to do so.

Did you guys know I got some great news in RL today? Yeah, its true. I have obtained the pie in the sky.

:^)

Also, this "0 comments" stuff seems to be working out quite well, I dont get near as mad when employing this plan. Call me whatever you want, its still private communication from you to me.

Maybe Mr. X is really mr kiss? Awwwww!!! He wuvs me!!

Ill be looking forward to your next little note of admonishment too butchie.

Hope you guys are having as good a day as I am.

2008-07-29T08:27:00.003-05:00

hey there mr x,

Guess what? It would be alot nicer if people didnt care about my blog.

Id rather have 0 comments for the rest of my life and no visitors than the sort of jerks who have been creeping around here. Being mean.

Its sad.

I was happy with my blog for years with practically no readers. Once I start getting busy around here those fricken trolls show up and make me miserable.

So what do I care if no one cares?

Im only writing here for myself.

Thanks and have a great day!

and butchie, way to be consistent, all the other trolls either dropped right off, or told me they didnt care (mister x), at least I know you hate my guts. Because you continue on unaffected by "0 comments", like I said, nice perseverance.

Thats a win for me I guess.

2008-07-28T08:07:00.002-05:00

Its amazing how nobody talks to you when they think you arent listening.

Or how taking the voice away from someone mean will stop them from being mean. Its like if their friends cant see them or hear them be mean then they have no reason to mean at all anymore(strangely).

The audio link below was working. But they probably got wise to my little player and broked it.

Sigh. Oh well.

It played this

Have a great day!

PS- Now there is some commenter named, X, well mr X. When I get done laughing at how cliched your name is then Ill tell you, despite what you say someone cares, even if it is only you.

:^)

THANKS MR X! And quit using a proxy server you big wimp, no one will see your comment but me and Im not going to portscan your machine or anything like that!

Proxy servers are for cowards.

2008-07-26T12:15:00.001-05:00

2008-07-17T17:56:00.002-05:00

Well thats it, canopenner is no more. Im done being the better person because Im all full of rage and I figure what the hell, why not give in to the sick and twisted "psychotic" side of myself and wreak unknown havoc and dismay upon my enemies. Sorry to all the nice little boys and girls of the internet that I have to let you down like this. I tried to be nice, it didnt work out so well.

So now Im going to mean. very very mean. But only to those who deserve it.

BOGEYMAN
bo·gey·man

an imaginary evil character of supernatural powers, esp. a mythical hobgoblin supposed to carry off naughty children.

knock knock knock

2008-07-17T07:55:00.003-05:00

Me: Good morning Jim.
Jim: Good Morning Robert. Whats new?
Me: Oh I figured out who that wacko internet impostor person was.
Jim: Yeah? It was my dad wasnt it?
Me: Actually yeah, it was your dad.
Jim: Ever since we got that old codger internet service hes been a real terror.

Ive been laughing all morning at that.

Also a friend of mine bet me 10 dollars that it was someone I knew in real life who was doing it because "No one would do that unless they really for real hated your guts robert in the real world"

My reply was dont underestimate the lunacy of internet wackos.

X^) [:^) :^X

Confuscious says

Look not at what is contrary to propriety; listen not to what is contrary to propriety; speak not what is contrary to propriety; make no movement which is contrary to propriety

Have a great day!

2008-07-16T07:57:00.002-05:00

Here we go again with another story of Canopenner stupidness.

I think it was the winter of 2002. There was a stray cat who kept coming around my back porch. Doing its business there. Pissing on my back porch and smelling the place up. I had been trying to run it off by chasing it and yelling at it for a few weeks. Nothing I had done had worked.

I had just come home from work. I was so sick of that stray cat that when I saw it on my steps meowing at me I decided enough was enough. I was going to kill that cat.

The cat was positioned perfectly on my concrete steps. On the very bottom one. I had the brilliant idea that I could could kick it and smash its little cat rib cage between my foot and the back of the step it was standing in front of.

I had the cat locked in my sights. It was still stupidly meowing at me. I wound up and swung. The cat was still there, my leg accelerated, I was kicking with all my might.

Then all of a sudden mid swing the cat was not there anymore. It had somehow teleported 2 feet to my right. But my foot was now whooshing at great speed towards the concrete step, I tried to pull out of the kick but it was too late.

I heard the sickening crunch of all the bones in my right big tow compressing. Crunch, crunch, crunch, they all broke. I started hopping around on my now "good foot" while clutching my bad one and howling in pain. I was limping around for about 2 months after that, and now that toe is about 1 inch shorter than the one on the other side. I never saw that cat again. But the price I paid to get rid of it was way too high.

So dont ever try to kick and smash stray cats standing on your back porch.

2008-07-15T17:25:00.004-05:00

Hey, I just wanted to address this canopenner spoof site business and then put it out of my mind, ok? ok.

1. Whoever is out there doing this must be a very lonely person devoid of thoughts and activities of there own to have to do something like this.

2. I got mad for about .5 seconds, then I realized, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

3. No matter what you do, Im gonna keep being nice to raymi and leslie and the rest of the people over in that neck of the woods because in the face of something like this my niceness is made even nicer. Thank you for empowering me to control my reactions and keep being the person I WANT to be instead of the person I COULD be if I responded to such base and vile crapola in kind.

4. an extra smoke and a smiling child later I dont give a damn what you put up on your canopenner satire site. If it makes you feel better or whatever to spoof me then go ahead. Good for you.

:^)

I did go out and find this picture someone has on the internet and it made me laugh and feel better about the whole deal.

See you all 2morrow for the next stupid canopenner post I know youre all dying to write about!

:^)

2008-07-15T08:05:00.002-05:00

Good morning.

Nightmares instead of dreams last night, I woke up growling. I should say my wife woke me up growing at about 6:45.

Ill spare you the details.

When I went snail hunting over the weekend I just got chewed up by mosquitoes. UGH! I am so itchy. I could just itch my way right into oblivion.

I didnt get a chance to talk about it yesterday but I called my mom over the weekend, that was nice, except I made her cry because I told her melissa was wearing one of Pap's(my grandfather who died last year) ties around. So she balled for about 5 minutes about how much she missed her dad.

I cant identify, I dont miss my dad at all. Although I guess I should talk to him again before he dies. The problem is timing that just right so that I talk to him, then he dies. I dont really want to carry on a relationship with him or anything, just tell him its ok about all the crappy stuff he did, and let him know I still love him anyway. But yeah....I cant have the guy around my kids or anything, Lets face it, hes a maniac.

Well I got some stuff to do so Im going to jet. But I hope everyone has a great day!

:^)

2008-07-14T08:07:00.013-05:00

I had crazy dreams last night, all night.

There were 4 of them.

Ill describe one.

I started watching a movie, it was supposedly a movie about free masonry, it opened up to a cow pasture, there was a kid riding a bicycle, I got the impression that he was me, there were a bunch people there doing a cattle drive that intersected the road I was peddling my bicycle on, and I was carrying an old style leather shoulder pack, full of baseball cards. I stopped to get a drink from the people doing the cattle drive, they started looking through my baseball cards, saying they wanted this one or that one. I told them I was not willing to trade my cards. at which point the guy who was going through my cards pulled out a gun and asked me if I would like to reconsider. I grabbed my cards and began to pedal away on my bicycle, sadly I was shot in the back and my baseball cards started flying across the cow pasture.

At this point the opening credits of the movie began to roll. I couldnt tell you who was in them, or even what was being credited. However I can tell you about the scene. There was a diner in which lunch was being served, I got the impression that it was not being set in the present time, because the cooks had on the nice white outfits you would see on a kitchen staff in the 1960's, someone orders some corn, at which point I(Now being the movie observer again) looked up, where I could see the corn from the perspective of below a griddle, being poured on a hotplate, or into a large pan bottom, the corn spread out and became the shape of first a florescent light, then a iridescent lampshade like the one I had in my bedroom when I was young, I remember the scene dragging on and me wanting it to be over and to get to something interesting...And so it did.

But now I was watching from the perspective of one of the characters again, and again I was on a bicycle, 2 of my friends were there (no one I knew from real life) and there was a giant storm starting, a tornado, and we were looking for shelter from it, peddling away as fast as we could, we found an old farm house and assumed they must have a storm cellar, we entered without knocking and were greeted by a young girl and her father. I remember admiring the vintage decor and mostly the wiring, commenting about how archaic and inadequate it was. Soon the storm was over and the father ushered us outside.

The sky had cleared and it was a beautiful day. We could see some people yelling a few streets over and we went to investigate. We found a very distraught young "Crime boss" standing by a fire hydrant with some pretty girls. We asked him what was the matter, he told us that ever since he hired on his new "enforcer" (I dont remember the name) he was having problems with his clientele coming up dead, getting hurt, being verbally abused and leaving town for fear of retribution from this guy. All in all it was a bad situation because he was very big, strong and tough, and the "crime boss" was afraid to get rid of him for fear of him. It was this "enforcer" fellow we could hear yelling, in a garage near where we were standing. We investigated and sure enough he was screaming at someone who owed alot of money, every once in awhile hitting them as well.

At this point we heard there was a bicycle race going on. So with a "not our problem" outlook we left the strange 1960 gang and peddled off to enter in the race.

When we got there there was a woman giving "Guinness"
out to the contestants, I told her I didnt like beer, so she settled for pouring some on my head. While she was doing this she told me I would eventually rid them of this horrid "enforcer" fellow (I really wish I could remember his name but I cant). I told her I would be doing no such thing because he was a not a person to be trifled with. She insisted I would and laughed.

We raced, I lost.

Fast forward to some point in the future, I was the boy who had lost the bicycle race. But now I was an old man, and one of the friends I bicycled around with was dead. We were going to see the "enforcer" guy because we needed to pay him back some money.

We walked in, sat down, had a drink with him, I got out the money, at this point my surviving friend got out a derringer pistol and tried to sneakishly give it to me. I didnt want it, I wasnt going to shoot this enforcer guy in the face, at this point I realized he didnt have a face, it was like his head had been replaced by metal and rubber, like it was some kind of bionic face.

He noticed our fumbling of the derringer and took it from me, made some jokes about how I was really powerless against him and I couldnt kill him. I agreed whole heartedly, at which point he took the derringer and put it into his mouth and fired.

All of a sudden I could see things from the perspective of the enforcer guy, everything his eyes saw were paisley hearts and flowers in shades of red and green, the room we were in, the table we were sitting at, even the people, all made up of paisley hearts and flowers. And when he fired the pistol into his mouth and spit the bullets out everything got much more vivid and I could see his henchmen and even us, the two boys from the bicycle race, stand up and applaud his fine trick with the derringer.

at this point he decided he was going to one up the trick, and he took the derringer and loaded a cork into it. I got the impression he had done this many times. And he pulled the little paisley trigger and the cork went POP in his mouth, he was amused by this and began to laugh, but when he did so the cork got lodged in his throat and he began to choke, The paisley henchmen began to laugh with him, because thats what henchmen do is laugh when the boss laughs. but I could see through the dimming eyes of the enforcer that the 2 boys from the bicycle race didnt laugh, they frowned as everything went black and the enforcer died.

The end.

And that was just 1 of the 4 crazy vivid dreams I had last night.

Sorry the post was exceedingly long, but I really had no control over that once I decided to share one of my dreams with you guys.

Anyway have a nice day.

2008-07-13T10:31:00.003-05:00

I am so sleepy this morning.

So sleepy...I was up very late last night (2 am) thats probably not late for some but it is for me especially lately.

I need to go snail hunting today, my bait bucket looks pretty empty and the pufferfish is HUNGRY! as always. So yeah Ill be driving to the crow wing river and risk the ticket from the dnr at some point in time today.

I also feel bad because my new friend/neighbor guy Jake wanted me to go over to his house last night at about midnight but I had better things to do so I kinda blew him off. Theres just not enough hours in the day I guess to do everything I want/need to do.

Ill make it up to him, his birthdays coming up and he doesnt have a computer so Ill dig through all my junk parts and build him something, nothing wonderful but something good enough to do some lower end gaming on and get on the Internet. That should make him happy.

Angelfish_02_Suffocat_Me.mp3 (3.4 MB)

2008-07-12T08:37:00.001-05:00

goldfinger - answers.mp3 (2.5 MB)

I searched for a cause
I climbed the highest mountain
I walked to the top
I stopped and then looked down

But when I stop the search
The answers always come
And when I help someone
I always help myself by helping

[Chorus]

You tell me where your skeleton's hiding
Tell me all and I'll tell you
You think you have a real good fucking answer
A fucking answer I'll give you

I look toward the girls
In them I found no truth
I looked outside myself
And see my lots no good

But when I turn my eyes
Out from my own head
That's when I realize
That I see what I'm really selling

[Chorus]

2008-07-11T07:19:00.002-05:00

Look at all these blueberries living in harmony together.

I never did a fish water change last night. Still need to do it tonight. My wife was nagging me about some stuff and it made me so damned depressed I passed out at 9 PM.

Not her fault really, shes been working the morning shift, 5am-3pm, at work and I know that just makes her a bit on the crabby side. Plus its THAT week for her, so that doesnt help. And I love her dearly and if she comes across this I also dont want her to get mad at me for talking about it.

On the plus side I slept so long I FEEL GREAT! Totally rested.

Its too bad my sleep schedule finally rights itself on Thursday night. Because Im sure Ill be up ha;lf the night tonight playing video games and stuff like that.

Anyway I hope everyone has a nice day and a great weekend!

2008-07-10T08:05:00.001-05:00

I am having kinda rough day.

It was all rainy this morning when I got up, so I kinda just wanted to stay in bed. But since I had to work I got up, did my normal routine, smoke, shower, pet the cat, feed the fish, drink a pop, went out to the car in the rain...

My window is down. Crap, Now I have a wet tushy. I was in such a rush when I got home from work yesterday that I forgot to shut it. I knew my wife dragging me to that mortgage broker was a bad idear. Sigh.

In other news I wanna clean my desk this morning, work on some projects this afternoon and then tonight when I get home I need to do fish water changes.

Im taking requests for picture friday, if theres anything you want to see let me know.

And have a great day!

2008-07-09T08:03:00.004-05:00

Well today is stupid Canopenner day (again already huh?). So join me on the ride that is a carousel of the stupid things I have done.

As many of you probably know I grew up In a house where my father beat my mother on a regular basis.

It was midsummer, I was 10. I had some friends over, their names were Mike and Malory Maur, my parents were fighting (If you want to call it that). I had gone downstairs to politely ask them to stop since I had company over. When I got to the bottom of the stairs I saw my father leave the living room and pass into the dining room on his way to the kitchen. However my mother was nowhere in sight. I followed him as far as the doorway in the dining room. And yelled to him in the kitchen (Prolly about 30 feet away, as we had a big dining room), "Hey, where is Mom?"

To which he replied, "I killed her" and started to laugh, I presume at the look on my face. I had averted my eyes from him for a moment when I heard him say to me, "Hey Robert, Heads up" and then a big "splat" next to my head of something crashing into the dining room door frame.

He had thrown an apple at me, I assume not as hard as he could throw one but hard enough to shatter the thing in a spray of apple juice all over me and the dining room doorway. "comon' Dad, Where is Mom?" I asked again as he continue to pummel the doorway and the wall of the living room behind me with apples which he kept on throwing, "I told you, I killed her." he said again and kept right on throwing and chuckling.

At this point I had decided I had enough of his shenanigans and I was really worried he had killed my mother(I certainly wouldnt put it past him), so I retreated back to the upstairs...I tearily discussed with my friends what I should do about the entire situation. They decided they should leave (Which I agreed with) and that I should call the police. I agreed and made the call.

"Hello, Johnstown Police Department" The voice came over the wire.

"Hi, my name is Robert Schultz, My father is throwing apples at me and I cant find my mother, he says he killed her."

"What?!" The operator replied.

"MY NAME IS ROBERT SCHULTZ AND I CANT FIND MY MOTHER, I ASKED MY DAD WHERE SHE IS AND HE STARTED THROWING APPLES AT ME AND SAID HE KILLED HER!" I repeated.

"whats your address" She asked.

"334 Kennard St." I told her.

"We will send someone right over."

"thank you" I concluded.

At this point I opened the upstairs bathroom window and ushered my friends out onto the roof of the dining room. I convinced them to jump the 10 or so feet off the roof as I had done many times in my even younger youth. And they finally did and went home.

Then about 30 minutes later I heard the -Knock-Knock-Knock- on the door, I crept down the stairs and peaked through the bars on the handrail at the police at my front door and my father answering it.

He said a few words to them, produced my mother from the basement, where she had been doing laundry. And they turned around and left. The panic swelled within me. I know what was coming next.

I flew up the stairs to my bedroom and started barricading stuff in front of my door. My desk, the radiator cover, anything I could grab, I heard him coming up the stairs screaming obscenities.

I backed away from the door and tried to hide under my bed, From underneath it I saw the door fly open as the stuff I had put in front of it flew accross the room.

"YOU CANT HIDE FROM ME BOY!" He said as he stomped on my Gobot monster Zod Smashing it into smithereens. Damn I loved that thing too.

He pulled me out from under the bed by one leg, and proceeded to give me the second worst beating of my life. Screaming all the while that I had "betrayed him by calling the police", Im not sure how long that went on, I lost consciousness.

but that is another story of a stupid thing I did. Dont worry, I recovered from the beating.

2008-07-08T08:20:00.001-05:00

Have you guys ever heard of the Ring of Gyges? Heres a synopsis I copied from somewhere about it.

I think it explains alot about peoples behavior on the internet. Tho I have been told lately that Im wrong about that, I still believe it.

Gyges was a shepherd in the service of the king of Lydia; there was a great storm, and an earthquake made an opening in the earth at the place where he was feeding his flock. Amazed at the sight, he descended into the opening, where, among other marvels, he beheld a hollow brazen horse, having doors, at which he stooping and looking in saw a dead body of stature, as appeared to him, more than human, and having nothing on but a gold ring; this he took from the finger of the dead and reascended.

Now the shepherds met together, according to custom, that they might send their monthly report about the flocks to the king; into their assembly he came having the ring on his finger, and as he was sitting among them he chanced to turn the collet of the ring inside his hand, when instantly he became invisible to the rest of the company and they began to speak of him as if he were no longer present. He was astonished at this, and again touching the ring he turned the collet outwards and reappeared; he made several trials of the ring, and always with the same result-when he turned the collet inwards he became invisible, when outwards he reappeared. Whereupon he contrived to be chosen one of the messengers who were sent to the court; where as soon as he arrived he seduced the queen, and with her help conspired against the king and slew him, and took the kingdom.

Suppose now that there were two such magic rings, and the just put on one of them and the unjust the other; no man can be imagined to be of such an iron nature that he would stand fast in justice. No man would keep his hands off what was not his own when he could safely take what he liked out of the market, or go into houses and lie with any one at his pleasure, or kill or release from prison whom he would, and in all respects be like a God among men. Then the actions of the just would be as the actions of the unjust; they would both come at last to the same point. And this we may truly affirm to be a great proof that a man is just, not willingly or because he thinks that justice is any good to him individually, but of necessity, for wherever any one thinks that he can safely be unjust, there he is unjust. For all men believe in their hearts that injustice is far more profitable to the individual than justice, and he who argues as I have been supposing, will say that they are right.

If you could imagine any one obtaining this power of becoming invisible, and never doing any wrong or touching what was another's, he would be thought by the lookers-on to be a most wretched idiot, although they would praise him to one another's faces, and keep up appearances with one another from a fear that they too might suffer injustice.

That Plato. What a guy.

Have a great day!

2008-07-07T08:01:00.001-05:00

UGH! I cut myself shaving this morning. UGH!

Hard to think about anything else at the moment.

UGH!

Did I mention I cut myself shaving?

Have a good day.

Im busy dealing with this.

Sorry.

2008-07-06T11:07:00.002-05:00

My cat is driving me bonkers. Melissa has been gone at her friends since yesterday so the cat is starved for attention. Right now its laying on my mouse. Its been following me around begging to be petted for at least an hour. And Ive complied, petting it constantly. But apparently its not satisfied yet.

Also I need to build a computer for my friend to give to his mom for her birthday. I am not really looking forward to doing that, but I said I would so I guess I should.

And also my wife has tasked me with doing laundry.

What ever happened to Sunday being the day of rest?

Anyway, have a great day!

2008-07-03T23:35:00.004-05:00

I almost forgot picture friday, So I squeaked this in under the wire.

Heh.

2008-07-03T08:43:00.002-05:00

Mornin'

My boss is lurking so I gotta be quick, like a bunny.

3 day weekend Fri-Sat
Fish water changes tonight
Played games with kids/pro bono computer work last night

gotta go lurking boss.

Have a good day!

2008-07-02T13:32:00.003-05:00

FYI, my comments are currently broken due to the fact that my provider has crashed like the Continent of Atlantis into the ocean.

Thanks! Come back later!

**Addendum**

This is working now! YAY! Comment your hearts out!

2008-07-02T08:08:00.008-05:00

Good Morning,

Well today is stupid Canopenner day, and as promised Im going to tell the story of my cyanide poisoning. So here goes.

I was 17, I knew this guy, we will call him Josh (because that was his name), And I went over to Josh's house to see what was shaking, get the scoop on all the fun stuff we could do as retarded 17 year old kids.

Well Josh was talking about how these White Power Gang members he knew were selling LSD. And how it was cheap and he could get us 2 ten strips for 25 bucks. I thought that was wonderful at the time. I had done acid many times before this and I thought a ten strip would be a good amount for a nice, long, fun trip. First mistake.

So we met with the white power gang members, made the buy, went back to josh's house and each dropped one ten strip of acid. Second mistake.

Well I knew from the get go something wasnt right. And within 30 minutes I was climbing the walls to get outside.

So we went for a walk. Before I knew it Josh was screaming that I was turning into a werewolf. I tried to explain to him that it was just the drugs, "trust me Im no werewolf" yadda yadda, well he wouldnt listen and ran off somewhere. So I decided to walk to my friend Craig's house. Well Craig was a straight edge, and mormon to boot, so about half way there I realized it was really not appropriate for me to show up at his house tripping my balls off on LSD. I turned around and began to walk home.

I never made it.

I started feeling like I couldnt move, all my muscles were becoming extremely tight and I thought I would take a seat in some guys yard and have alittle break from all this walking I was doing. This whole time a thought that "something just wasnt right" was building to a fevered pitch inside my head. All of a sudden I kinda fell over from where I was sitting. Then I realized I couldnt move a muscle.

Before I knew it the cops were there, with an ambulance in tow. They were asking me alot of stupid questions I wasnt going to answer, like, "Where did you get the acid", and "Why dont you kids goto church instead of taking acid?" and so on and so forth. Well they realized I wasnt going to tell them anymore than "You just cant trust a white power gang even if youre white anymore" and sent me off to the hospital.

I remember being wheeled on a gurney through the big hospital doors and someone was talking about River Pheonix dying in something like this manner. From there I cant remember much, I know my grandparents came to the hospital, and I remember my Grandmother lecturing me. At which point I thought I was in hell. Literally. I thought I was in hell. For throwing my life away by being stupid.

Anyway my grandparents left and hours passed, Ill spare you the details of my trip through hell, Im sure you have all heard that part of the story before anyway. I woke up, it was the next morning, I felt like crap, and I was really super thirsty...

The only problem was I was bound by leather restraints. So I worked the IV in my one arm against the restraint until it popped out, then I used the ensuing blood as a lubricant to make my arm slippy enough to get it out of the leather shackle, then I unstrapped myself from there and got up and got a drink of water out of the hospital sink that was in the room.

Well there must have been a guard or something that was supposed to be watching me(I dont know where he was until then) but the commotion with the gurney and the sink must have caught his attention because he came in with a billy club and in a very rude and threatening manner told me to sit back so he could strap me back in.

I tried to tell him I was back in my right mind but he didnt want to believe it, so the only way I could placate him was to allow him to restrain me again until my mom decided to show up to take me home.

When my mom showed up I was made to listen to a big long speech about how I had cyanide poisoning (Which is what had caused my paralysis) and how my heart rate had been 212 which should have sent it into fibrillation at which point I should have died but I was lucky and for whatever reason it hadnt and I didnt, how they had pumped me full of anti psychotic drugs because I was raving that I was in hell. And most of all how the acid was laced with cyanide instead of strychnine (like it shoulda been) and then I went home and felt like crap and drank a ton of gatorade for the next 2 days.

The moral of the story is dont buy LSD from white power gang members you dont know, and dont drop a ficken 10 strip because "you think you can handle it".

Sheesh that was a long post. And hey, was that ever a stupid thing to do.

2008-07-01T20:59:00.001-05:00

Reema asked for a picture of the puffer fish. However the puffer fish (like most girls) is camera shy.

I had my brightness up too high but this is the best photo I could get.

:^)

2008-07-01T08:00:00.003-05:00

Howdy,

I am going to try really hard to not have any typos or misspellings in my post today.

The bad thing about bar b q-ing is that I totally get munched by mosquitoes while Im out there flipping the steaks and burgers and brats and hotdogs. And Ive been bar b q-ing alot lately. And so I have some really big itchy mosquito bites from it.

Also the UFO was back last night. Melissa was at her friends house though so she couldnt whine and cry about it. In fact I got bored of watching it pretty quickly. Seems its only fun when I can come in the house and say, "Hello. I. Am. Your. Father.... I. Am. Definitely. NOT. A. Robot. Clone. Sent. By. Aliens. To. Replace. Him...You. Can. Trust. Me. Pal." heheh, at which point she would start yelling at me about how not funny that is. (But I thought it was very funny)

And in other news The puffer fish(and all the other fish) are doing well but this morning when I shook one of the plastic plants I have in my bait bucket to pick up snails a big 'ole dragonfly larvae came off and started swimming around in there. Im sure either the Chinese algae eaters or the loach will eat it but its sort of big and scary looking, so I hope it doesnt attack any of my fish or ghost shrimps.

Picture of one looking scary here

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!

2008-06-30T08:11:00.004-05:00

Good Morning.

There was a UFO outside my house last night, It was like a super bright start that zigged and zagged around the sky while flashing white to blue to red. I watched it for about 45 minutes from about 11:30 until 12:15. It just kept zigging and zagging. I know what an airplane looks like and it definately wasnt that. I know what a sattellite looks like and it definately wasnt that either.

The boys got out a pair of binoculars(I wish my telescope wasnt busted) and it looked pretty much the same through that so whatever it was it was WAY WAY up there. Melissa was throwing a screaming fit about it and I was telling her not to be afraid of space aliens because she was prolly bigger than them.

But I had to goto bed so I didnt get a chance to watch it "leave"

Pretty neat tho.

In other news my feet are full of burrs from the beach yesterday. Ouch. That sucks huh?

Gotta go! Have a great day!

2008-06-29T10:35:00.003-05:00

Good Morning.

I was going to talk about some of my ancestry for bit today.

Not the Schultz's, or really anyone from my fathers side(or half of my mothers ancestry for that matter), but The Tomkowski's, who I heard used to have another name before they got here (here being America), Tomgotzchi or something like that. (I really dont know how to spell it)

Anyway Im pretty sure they were some of these people, Evidenced by the fact my grandmother's relatives all look alot like them, including myself.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roma_people

Now is that some interesting stuff or what?

Prolly not huh?

Anyway heres a song, I need to take a shower and clean up some messes I made and goto the beach, and I need to work on a computer Ive had since Thursday. Im so bad about putting stuff off sometimes.

Motograter_No_Name.mp3 (5.2 MB)

Have a good day.

2008-06-27T20:00:00.003-05:00

Hi Guys,

Well Im going to be out the door to North Dakota pretty early tomorrow to buy my contraband. My shopping list goes something like this

1 Gross (thats 12 dozen in case your not familiar with this system) Bottle Rockets, preferably whistlers. Just the small ones, giant ones are a rip off.

1 Gross Firecrackers (Ladyfingers are better, blackcats will suffice)

1 Gross M80's, if I can get my hands on them, prolly will have to settle for something else tho as they have been illegal in all 50 states since 1966, guess Im not as "cool" as my dad because he actually knew a guy who sold fireworks out of his garage that he somehow was smuggling, or was buying from someone who was smuggling them, in from china. I can get about any other contraband but there doesnt seem to be enough demand for any of my friends in the black market to find them, get them, or move them. (see what legalization does, with ND just next store it doesnt pay to traffic the 2 fireworks that are illegal there.)

So yeah no reliving the glory days of my youth when my dad would give me a hand full of M80's that for 1 day a year made me the coolest kid on the block. POOPERS! I think if I didnt blow my fingers off when I was 11 I can handle myself now. Sheesh!

The rest of my budget will be blown on gas to get there and as many mortars as I can buy with the money leftover.

Hopefully I dont get popped as thats a $5000 fine. Wish me luck on that [But theres a million people always going between Fargo and Moorehead so I think I should be safe. Plus, Id like to hope most police wont pull me over without probable cause(Chad?), and they would need to search my trunk too so good luck with that holding up in court, I dont think it being the saturday before the forth is enough reason to search me. But since the constitution has been practically thrown out of the window at this point you never know... :^( ]

Also I bought a svengali deck of cards today for 1 dollar(Ive had one before) and Im using it to blow everyone I meets mind, its so much fun. Go out and find one and buy it and it will be the best money you ever spent(or you could make one with 53 decks of cards and an industrial paper cutter or a T-square and a pair of scissors!)

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Fun FUN stuff!

Heres some links because surprisingly I find no one has ever heard of this stuff for the most part.

Svenghali deck video
Wikiped entry

Actually I think the dude in that video is kinda a shitty magician. Way too dry for my tastes-I tell a story about how the deck of cards was given to me by a magical unicorn (named George, who's last name I never caught) then if the people ever want to more closely examine the cards I tell them George said that it was against the rules of the magic and it will break them. Then I do as many tricks(some involving a "magic" dance) as I have time for...Always ending with the one where I can "mysteriously with my awesome powers of magical transmutation" turn every card in the deck into the card they started out the tricks "picking"....

Its priceless to watch someone be amazed and drop their jaw not once, not 5 times, but 20 times as I keep doing more and more "impossible" card tricks with the deck. LOL. One chick today was horrified by her ignorance at how I was doing it. ROFL! I told her it was just stage magic and not to be frightened. But still CLASSIC.

Have a great day!

Consider this your saturday post

2008-06-27T08:18:00.002-05:00

Good morning.

First the news then the pictures.

I had a billion people stop by my house yesterday... I burned them cd's, gave away some fish tank stuff I wasnt using. And one of them I dont know who was there before I got home and left me a bucket of giant pond snails...These things are huge, like half the size of my fist. The puffer fish wont them tho, they are too big, She checked one out I dropped in the tank yesterday but she wouldnt even chomp its antennae off.

I dont know that the heck Im gonna do with them. Ive been trying to give them away to all my fish tank friends but so far no takers. Someone said I should try to sell them on ebay, but that just sounds like a dumb idea to me. I might take them into the live fish store and see if they want them, or Ill just dump them into some lake or something. I dont know. I guess I could cook them up for dinner some night, people eat those things right?

Also I am planning to goto North Dakota tomorrow to buy fireworks and smuggle them back. It sure would be nice If I could get my gas money from the company to use on it. Also I got a check from my old Saturday medical delivery job yesterday because it appears they owed me money since march, I didnt even know it, the place is shutting down tho so they had to pay me I guess?

Anyway, here is is a picture of myself that I particularly like.

You guys have a great day and a good weekend if I dont talk to you again over the weekend.

2008-06-26T08:05:00.003-05:00

Well, its funny how life can be sometimes.

I want to publicly apologize to monstergirl/leslie for leaving her nasty comments. Raymi still pisses me off but oh well. You live, you learn.

Ill be the first to admit that sometimes I get a bit carried away when I start steaming and stewing and then I get all mean and self righteous and the result ALWAYS makes me feel bad about my actions. ALWAYS!

Some day maybe Ill learn to control my emotions instead of it being the other way around. However that day wasnt yesterday or the day before that.

Hey maybe its today!

I also know its not friday but Im going to post a picture anyway.

Its me looking not so ugly as I do in some photos. Maybe more so than sometimes. Anyway I think its somehow appropriate...heheh...Anyway Ill still post another picture tomorrow.

Have a great day!

2008-06-25T16:51:00.003-05:00

People with a sensitive nature might want to skip this next post. Its packed full of the F word.

But I cant help but post it.

On Wed, Jun 25, 2008 at 2:34 PM, raymi lauren wrote:

simmer the fuck down you parasitic simpleton
you are not wanted

--
http://raymitheminx.com

also join http://stalkraymi.com

My reply:

Yeah I know exactly how that shit feels because I have been there with you and leslie and butchie for fucking months.

Im not gonna simmer down. Im gonna keep pouring on the fucking pain as long as I can because you fucks and your Bourgeoisie, better than everyone attitudes have gone too fucking far and fucked with me and my friends too many fucking times.

I see I have won at least temporarily on leslie's blog. Comments disabled and linking to me.

Fucking awesome ROCK ON!

Call me whatever you want, but I am relishing the fact that you are squirming like the little fucking worms you are. Maybe now you will learn not to go around on the internet and fuck with innocent people?

See its not just me anymore. Now that others are seeing me stand up to you assholes they are joining in full force!

Vivi le revolution!

Have a great day (NOT!)

XOXOXOXO

-Robert

PS please forward this shit on to your little hellbabies!!!

oOoOoO

Addendum! Raymi responds!

you are out of your mind
im telling you we are ending it and you think you have won and are continuing this ridiculous assault which consists of you and porknbeanz?

Me second reply:

Yeah, Ive been told Im out of my mind before, whoopie fucking shit!

You think you have the option of ending it? You shoulda thought of that shit before you started it.

Ill fucking serve up the same bullshit you assholes hand out as long as I want and guess what you cant stop me! Just like I couldnt stop you and the rest of your "mad crew" when you were doing it to me and that poor isabelle and the rest of your victims.

And Ill look better doing it to. You know why? Cause you fucking deserve it!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

-R

2008-06-25T07:00:00.004-05:00

So some people have been calling me stupid, Im a big believer in taking bad stuff that happens to me and deriving strength from it. So I started thinking, why not roll with that punch and start posting some stories of some stupid stuff I have done over the years?

So here we go, stupid thing #1 Canopenner has done (cue flashback music):

I think I was 11, it was the summer of 1987, since we didnt have the Internet back then, I would spend most of my time outside, building dams in a nearby crick, throwing rocks at passing cars from the safety of the woods, or we spent alot of time climbing trees.

There was a landfill about 1/4 of a mile from my house, there were some trees that were right on the edge of it. They were all half dead from being buried in gravel and old refrigerators and the like, one of them had fallen, and it intersected with another tree that was still standing further down the hill. I thought it would be a fun idea to climb from the fallen tree to the one still standing and then climb up to the top of the standing tree and see what I could see from up there.

The climb out the fallen tree went great, I was still pretty level with the very top of the hill the landfill had made, I was starting to make the transition to the new tree...I was thinking that things were going pretty well, I climbed a few more branches up the standing tree. Now I could see that I was about 10 or 15 feet above the top of the landfill, making me maybe 50 feet above the bottom of the landfill. The view was great. But I wanted to go higher. I started climbing when I started to hear a crrrr---aaaack of the branches that were holding me!

I fell.

I remember the world swimming on my way down. Like I was inside a washing machine. I hit a branch here and a branch there. Bam-Boom-Ooof! That hurt! The fall seemed to take about 30 seconds.

When I hit the bottom of the landfill I was flat on my back. All the wind came out of me WOOMP! but the story doesnt end there.

I started rolling down the remainder of the hill. Once again the world whooshed by like I was in a washing machine, I could see some dirt, I could see some branches, I could sure feel the stuff stuck in the landfill while I rolled over it.

Finally I came to a rest.

As I got up I could see there was some guy rushing down the hill from the top of the landfill, he was yelling, "Hey are you ok?!!! That was quite a fall?!! are you ok?!!"

I motioned to him that I couldnt breath, since the fall had clean knocked all of the wind out of me. But otherwise, besides some scratches and bruises I was ok. Not bad since I had fallen about 50 feet out of a tree and then rolled down a hill at high speed another 30 feet or so. He helped me up the hill where my sister was waiting on my bicycle with my mother, both of whom were crying hysterically. I learned later from my friends who were there that my sister had taken my bike from the top of the hill and said "Well thats it, Robert is dead, guess this bike is mine now, I gotta go tell my mom."

Looking back on it, it was a pretty dumb thing to do. But hey, everyone does dumb stuff sometimes. Maybe next week Ill tell you guys a story about how I got cyanide poisoning one time in another episode of stupidity.

Have a great day!

2008-06-24T10:11:00.002-05:00

Time for a Tuesday BONUS POST! Can you feel the excitement mounting! I know I can!

2008-06-24T08:06:00.004-05:00

I am not feeling so well today, ugh...Just sorta achey with a runny nose and a sore throat. Hopefully it passes because I dont want to be sick. I even went to bed last night at like 10:30.

But dont worry that didnt stop me from coming to work.

And it didnt stop me from blogging.

I really dont remember the last time I was sick. I mean sometimes I feel like crap but this is like on a whole new level.

And my eyeballs burn.

Also it sounds like Ill be driving out to aitkin.

Which reminds me the company I work for is like into me for 110 bucks of gas money for trips Ive made here and there and the other place. I tell you what I dont really have the money to drive to aitkin (about 45 or 50 miles one way) and back so I hope they are forking over some money today so I dont have to throw a fit and scream and cry and roll around on the floor like a baby.

Hope everyone has a good day tho!

PS. the pufferfish is doing great, she is still kinda fat and I am starting to run out of snails again so Ill need to make a trip to the crow wing river to get some more. She also has started doing some crazy bumblebee dance everytime she sees me at the tank.

2008-06-23T07:56:00.002-05:00

As I was talking about yesterday Melissa got a bunch of pokemon trading card game cards from my friends garage sale.

Well yesterday I was out on the porch and Melissa comes out:

Me: HI! having fun with those pokemon?
Melissa: Yeah! Wanna see my favorite one?!!!
Me: Sure!
Melissa: This one, and this one, and this one, and this one...
Me: Wait a minute! your favorite one is four?
Melissa: Yep!
Me: HMMMMMM interesting....
Melissa: What?
Me: I can see you inherited your mothers impeccable sense of logic thats all.

Other than that I dont have much to report except I finally got around to watching the incredible hulk movie. It was decent, much better than that last pile of steaming crap they put out about the incredible hulk. And I think it was leading into an Avengers movie, with the tony stark crap at the end.

Um...I need to do some fish water changes tonight also.

Im getting a call about something I gotta go take care of right away. Ill bbl. Have a great day!

2008-06-22T09:31:00.003-05:00

Hello again,

Melissa and I are going back to my friend's garage sale this morning because he told her she could have something for free from there, and shes been bugging me about it ever since then.

Also the world is so amazing sometimes. I never thought a MC Chris song could make me cry-

- never_give_up

But really you guys should go out and buy the album, or download it or whatever...

Oh and I know have been here and there lately spouting my religious beliefs, Let me just spout some more here for a minute:

I never goto church, I think churches are bad, Jesus wasnt too happy with them either. And Im his disciple and not any church's. I think for the most part they come between people and God, becoming some kind of "club", and they divide the masses instead of uniting them(which I think is what God wants from his church, and those here on earth fail miserably at that). So if you think Im out trying to recruit people I am not, Im not looking for any power or wealth or security or reassurance from anyone, Im just trying to testify for my Lord(and good buddy) Jesus.

Matt 5:13-5:16

13 “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.

14 “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

Maybe Im getting alittle defensive.

2008-06-21T00:42:00.004-05:00

Hey there people, Ill be up and out delivering food to the needy 2morrow (no joke), so I wanted to get the morning blog post out of my system tonight.

I made up with the wifey poo and now everything seems pretty hunky dorey until the next paradoxical episode where she will alternatingly tell me she feels neglected and suffocated. Women I tell you. Its frustrating stuff. Par for the course tho. I shouldnt complain one guy I heard about tonight had his wife leave him for some 19 year old punk ass kid. Then his wife showed up at some party with her "date" and her kids and their friends were there.

Ouch. poor kid.

However this wasnt the worst story I heard all week...

I went out to the roto plant (in the rebuilt "haunted" Riverton high school) and heard about this employee they had to send home because the guy was driving down the highway between there and brainerd, saw a skunk in the road, swerved to avoid it and WHAM! it sprayed him in the face through his open drivers side window.

Ouch. poor guy.

Seems like my worst problem is failing to avoid the temptation of seeing what smack is being spoken on the trolls "blogs". So compared to the poor people above I guess Im doing pretty well (as long as my "brain tumor" stays in check)

Oh anyway heres a link to a song. Night night.

older_crowd

Wow..and I actually had a few drinks tonight. Not again until new years prolly. TY

2008-06-20T08:22:00.005-05:00

I looked at ALOT of pictures for todays post, I passed up one of a butterfly, one of a skunk run over and painted on by MNDOT, I passed up quite a few, but then I decided I liked this one of my wife putting Melissas hair in curlers for her spring concert that was in may.

I think its adorable.

I didnt get too far on my kite project because my friend Gregg called and needed some help from me emptying his one fishtank of fish, he had about 45 fish in there that are now residing in a Styrofoam container until he gets a new tank (The tank they were in belonged to another friend of ours named Brett and he needed it back for his own fish).

I also cleaned Gregg out of snails, prolly about 300 ramshorns.

In other news my wife kinda made me mad yesterday because I said ANOTHER friend of mine Devan had a geiger counter at his garage sale that I wanted to buy and she immediately started acting all crabby about how I didnt need a geiger counter. Well guess what I know I dont NEED it I just want to play with it. But I guess 30 dollars in late movie fees and tubs of ice cream are just WAYYYYYYY more important because she spends money on those all the time (I cant stand most movies or ice cream) and I never complain not once about it. So I went to bed kinda mad, also it appears irrational anger is also a sign of a brain tumor. (But at least not diabetes)

Ugh, Im still kinda mad about it.

Hope everyone has a good weekend and a great day!

2008-06-19T08:01:00.004-05:00

Good Morning,

Tonight I think Ill start a kite rebuild/refurbish project that Ive been wanting to start on for awhile. You know the story, old kite, stuck in a tree for 5 years, falls out, wings are shot, frame is alittle beat, Im gonna fix it. Should take a few hours. We will see how it goes, maybe Ill take some before and after pictures. Should be fun.

Also one of my friends stopped over last night with some of his homegrown catnip for my kitty. I tell you the stuff hes got works so much better than the store bought variety. The cat was on him the second he walked through the door, following him around and meowing until he gave her a handful, then she proceeded to roll around in it on the ground and bash her head into every available object while going crazy for the next 40 minutes. It was pretty hilarious. The kids and I laughed.

Also the guy who lives in my old house heard I had a bunch of magic cards and came over to try and buy them off me. Of course I dont want to sell my magic cards because I look forward to playing magic someday when Im in the old folks home. BUT he seemed pretty nice and he hung out and played a couple or 6 games with me. So thats nice. I like making new friends.

anyway, I hope everyone has a great day.

2008-06-17T22:28:00.004-05:00

Ok, I give up, Ill unban monstergirl's and butchie's umpteen million IP addresses, butchie is right, if I keep banning them then Ill run out of bans before they will run out of proxies. So the only option I would be left with is comment moderation. I hate comment moderation. So thats really no option at all.

Its not that my feelings really get hurt when they call me stupid. In the grand scheme of things both they and I are a bunch of nobodys making noise on the internet. WHOOPEE DO FOR US!

Ill also put back the letter box at the bottom of the page, If it brings them joy to write whatever down there, who am I to ruin their fun? I might find it annoying that its mean spirited fun, but who the hell am I to judge?

Seriously tho I didnt leave any of the anon comments at
Monstergirls blog(or anywhere else for that matter), thats just not something I do...its not like Im scared of these people or anything, sometimes they just put the head on my cheese. I do wonder what motivates them to make people hate them? I guess for all of our being the same species we are just made out of completely different stuff and Ill never understand why they do the things they do, they will prolly say thats cause Im stupid, but I know its just cause I dont want anyone to hate me, so the things they do are completely alien to me.

But yeah, the utter pointlessness of the entire situation has finally dawned on me.

Let them say what they will, link to my youtube videos and take pictures of my alphabet board. Whatever. They seem more intensely interested in my blog than most of the people I like, and I guess...Well, I should be flattered.

heheh I hope I can continue that attitude for the next few days while I sustain whatever barrage of nastyness they have in store for me.

One thing about that God they keep making fun of me for worshipping is he explicity tells me that I am no better than them. As much as I might try to be curteous, nice, and helpful, I still have my moments of meanness, spite and wickedness. I wish pain and uglyness on them because I judge them for their meanness, meanwhile ignoring my own. Its all quite hypocritical and I am sorry for it. But hey, Im only human, and so are they, we are all bound for the grave, maybe Ill even see them there! Stranger things have happened right?

have a great night!

PS gimme a few minutes to unban everyone and put the letter board back up. And consider yourselves winners, because it doesnt really matter in the grand scheme of things anyway and you know it.

2008-06-17T08:05:00.002-05:00

Good Morning Again!

I had another strange dream last night, this time, my bed was full of grasshoppers! So I ended up jumping out of bed and screaming "AHHHHH GRASSHOPPERS!" My wife was like, "What the hell are you jumping out of bed and screaming for?!" and I was like "Its full of grasshoppers! Thousands of them!" then she just laughed and rolled over and went back to sleep.

Sometimes I tell you my subconscious is a mystery to me. (Is that rhetorical statement?)

Moving on...

Those stupid trolls are back, making disparaging and mean comments. Havent these people heard of the golden rule? I suspect they have but they have no interest in following it, I figure because they are morally bereft. They must not have received enough love from mothers or something. UGH. Its annoying. One of them apparently made the letter box at the bottom of my blog say some pretty rude things about me and male genitalia a few weeks ago (I remember seeing it down there and tearing it apart) and then you know what the idiot does? He takes a picture of it on his cell phone. LOL what an idiot, apparently for all his ego maniacal superiorness he has never heard of the print screen key. So Butchie if your out there, next time you might want to use the print screen key and save whats called a screen capture to a ms paint file where you can cut out the portion that you want. It would prolly be alittle less labor intensive than moving crappy pictures of interlaced lines from your cell phone to your computer for posting to your blog. They also have some scuttle on their blog about impersonating me, so if you get comments or something that dont sound like me, then chances are that they are not me.

I pray to God for these peoples destruction because they just are making the world a worse place for the rest of us God fearing, good hearted folks. At the least I wish God put some pain into their hearts and teach them that meanness and cruelty are bad and that life is bad enough without their BS making things worse.

But enough about that.

Last night I noticed that I had lost my collection of Less than Jake, so I had to download the discography, Also I went to walmart to try and buy some yoyo strings, but they didnt have any(How stupid huh?) so I had to buy my 8,000,051st yoyo. Im going to call around today and see if I cant find some place that stocks them.

Wow that was a long post, and my coffee is calling me.

Everyone have a great day!

2008-06-16T08:10:00.003-05:00

Good morning everyone, I am in a better mood today! YAY!

But I did have weirdo dreams that I had some funky weird disease last night. I was quarantined in a hospital and alot of my family and friends came to visit me through a plastic curtain. So i didnt get good sleep last night.

In other news I am getting SLAMMED with stuff this morning.

so I really cant stay and chat about what a good fathers day I had, how I bar-b-q'ed some chicken legs, and my wife made a bunch of pasta and potato salads. How I finally got that MMO to work, or how I had quite an intimate night with my wife :^)

UGH! I cant do that because my fone is ringing off the hook.

Have a great day!

2008-06-15T00:28:00.002-05:00

RANT

First off, I have heartburn. Prolly because I had nachos for dinner. :^( So thats making me alittle crabby. Also my wife is being all clingy. She wants me to sit around and stare at her. Well Im sorry, but that is just too boring for me to do. Especially with heartburn. AND on a saturday night to boot! I just wont have it. I can stand about 1 hour of cuddly poo kissy face, after that you either better be putting out or letting me go. IT IS THAT SIMPLE! I love you honey but thats the way it works.

Then I tried to download some dumb ijji game to play with my 15 year old kid. Its a MMO that he is playing all the time, and it looks pretty in depth and maybe even might be fun. BUT THE STUPID PATCHER FOR IT IS A PIECE OF JUNK! UGH! so I end up stopping and restarting the patcher a million times and its still not working! (do I have enough exclamation points in this post yet?!?!?!?!)

Then I goto an indian bloggers site that I commented at earlier, and I see that my comment I left about MP3 players is "awaiting moderation", meanwhile 2 other people who commented after me have theirs already posted. So like I fool I take it all personally (anyone who knows me in real life will tell you I take everything too personally), and ask if he is discriminating against me because I posted links to the products I use or if its because Im not indian (half joking about the second part) then I tell him bah humbug, then I notice that my comments without the links are automatically put through. !!! STUPID AUTOMATION TO STOP SPAMMERS AT BLOGS!

OOOOOOO I hate that crap! you know how many actual spam comments I have had at my blog since 2003? NONE! 0! Zilch! Nada! NOT A SINGLE ONE!

Why do people insist on using anti robot measures on things that dont even get spammed by robots? AT LEAST F'N WARN ME, "hey if you put links in your comments its not going to post and its going to go into a black hole for at least 12 hours and if you see other comments that posted after yours dont take it personally, its just because I think its better to inconvenience some users than maybe delete the 1 or 2 comments from robot spammers I might get in the next ten years...", And I hate that type "AY3TZ" crap even slighty less so, so if you are using that stuff turn it off right now, its completely annoying(and pointless!Dont flatter yourself, no self respecting spammer cares about the 20 people a day maximum you get in your comments, they have much bigger fish to fry, like DUH!!!)!

Ill tell you what, I liked the guys post, found it interesting and thought I left what was an appropriate comment, BUT ILL NEVER GO BACK THERE AGAIN, due to the over administration of his blog, it just plain old takes all the fun out of it.

And another thing: dear blogger spellchecker, "patcher", "slightly" and "spammer" ARE THE CORRECT SPELLING OF THOSE WORDS!

/F'N rant

2008-06-14T09:05:00.005-05:00

I try not get involved in internet memes BUT, I figured what the heck Ill do one when Sakhi tagged me.

One religious work from a non-familiar tradition you’ll read:
I try and read alot of Jewish stuff. Since its the root of Christianity I try and read as much stuff as is possible to get a better feel for what Christianity should be like.

One music video–that you like–from your “least likely to listen to’ genre:

Harry Chapin - Taxi http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5dwksSbD34"

A book from a genre you almost never read, that you have read, or you will read (promise!):

I dont readmany books these days because of the internet.

BUT Flatand http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatland

Somewhere you’d never thought to go on holiday/vacation, and why it might be fun to go there?

On a cruise, that sounds scarey because of my lack of trust in human creations, but Im sure my wife will make me someday.

A specific food you’ve never tried, but will because of this meme, honest!:

Ill try any food anytime, except brains and tongue.…

A sport or game you really hate or haven’t tried yet but are willing to give one more go:

Race car driving

A style of dance you probably won’t try (we won’t make you promise on this one):

I cant dance.

A career job you don’t feel you’re suited for, and why:

A novelist, I have a poor imagination

An item that’s “thinking out of the box’ for this meme that hadn’t been included:

Um...I dont believe in bigfoot? Um...

Is there one thing in life you wanted to do, and will do because of this meme, what will it be?

I really want to eat a pizza with EVERYTHING, but I can never find a place that serves them with enough EVERYTHING to satisfy me.

2008-06-13T08:15:00.003-05:00

Now that its finally getting warm here I cant wait to go tubing. Its so nice and relaxing. I got a nice spot that I float down where some bald eagles nest and the wildlife is very pristine, its actually the same river I get most of the snails out of for my pufferfish. But yeah about another month and it will probably be warm enough for that.

In other news Im having a "fight" with one of the users that I support about some spyware that she really loves having on her machine(smileycentral) and I took it off her machine because she was having some issues and I wanted to clean up her machine to see if the problems went away, but now she says I am "picking on her", and shes not going to tell me about her problems anymore and bla bla bla...

It kinda hurts my feelings. I mean I try and help people and they just spit in my face.

UGH

Anyway I hope everyone has a great weekend!

2008-06-12T08:24:00.005-05:00

Did I ever have a crazy dream last night:

I was an illegal mexican immigrant, who lived in a mostly deserted town with alot of haunted houses in it. This married american couple came to town wanting to tour the haunted houses and maybe see some ghosts. I said I would be their guide, and I started showing them all the strange happenings that went on in these haunted houses, well eventually the townspeople got mad at us for breaking into all these old abandoned houses and stirring up the ghosts that "lived" therein. So they were coming to the house we were currently in, with torches and pichforks and the like. At which point I told the couple that they were on their own and bailed out of the back door of the place that we were at. I never saw that couple again. BUT the villagers did catch up with me at the local cantina and they were very upset with me, so to teach me never to do that sort of thing again they cut off my pinky finger.

The end.

What the hell is that all about?

In other news my pufferfish still isnt eating out of my hand. And I am leaving work today at 1:30 for a "doctors appointment"

Have a great day!

2008-06-11T08:08:00.002-05:00

Ugh, my cell batteries are dead, I need to get that junk plugged in, also Im drinking coffee. Im sure Ill be wizzing around the office in about 20 minutes. There is something to be said for black coffee when you dont want to drink pop because it is so fattening, it does the job, tastes like crap, but does the job. Probably better than pop too. But yeah, tastes like total crap.

I had a bout of pretty bad nightmares last night, about my daughter and some friend of her(beats me what one) becoming lesbians, and I had to notify the other girls mother, who didnt seem to think it was a big deal. Then I was mad in my dream and all the candlesticks that we have lying around started melting and It was like when I get mad bad things happen, but I couldnt stop being mad, so bad things kept happening.

Ugh, I woke up screaming, And proceeded to wander around the house for about 20 minutes before I went back to bed. So that kinda ruined my nights sleep. Porky if youre keeping track that was about 3:05 my time.

Also I started trying to get the puffer fish to eat out of my hand. Normally he just buzzes around the tank when I got my hands in there doing stuff, he doesnt seem scared of me. I guess it is a different story tho when I am trying to shove a snail in his face, his zipped away from my hand every time. I figure that after a few days of me chasing him around with snails maybe he will stop being scared of me. After all he is the smartest fish I ever had.

Also Im pretty sure he is a girl. So maybe I should stop using masculine pronouns for him.

2008-06-10T08:06:00.002-05:00

My puffer fish is getting FAT. I have been trying to cut down on the amount of snails I give him. And he is mad at me about it. Whenever I am at the tank he just begs and begs like a dog at the dinner table. I did notice there were some baby guppies in there so Im sure he will munch those.

Also my eye is feeling better but is still alittle blurry. And I slept so well last night, no crazy dreams, no nightmares, just sleep. Ahhhhhh. So refreshing.

Also I cant wait to get my hands on the new incredible hulk movie, hopefully they dont trash the story line like they did with the last one. I guess its a complete rewrite, so thats good. Because the last movie was such a deviation from the comic book that it made me physically ill (Not really, but it was stupid).

Also I think I am deriving a strong hatred for reality television shows about celebrities. For instance, Denise Richards, those retarded playboy bunnies, the 2 corys, ugh...stupid, who cares about that crap.

Not me.

Anyway, you guys have a great day!

2008-06-09T12:52:00.003-05:00

You guys might know the car I drive around is sorta a piece of junk. Its missing aquarter panel and has some homemade light job where the ones that used to be there were knocked off by my wife hitting a deer.

It also has a rattley muffler.

So thats the lead up, heres the story.

There was this old lady (I say old I mean 45-50) who was coming out of her car when I stopping at the temp agency to get more timesheets and she says to me,

"Looks like your car is falling apart."

I turned back to her and said,

"yeah kinda like your face!" and walked away.

If I wasnt tired and crabby it prolly wouldnt have gone that way. But what can I say, dont make rude comments to people on the street you dont know because you might be surprised at how they respond.

2008-06-09T08:08:00.002-05:00

I gotta make this quick

12:00 AM goto bed
3:58 AM WIFE PUNCHES ME IN THE RIGHT EYE IN HER SLEEP
4:30 AM take shower and shave, totally pissed off cant go back to sleep.
5:30 AM wake up 16 year old kid for driving school at 7, go back to sleep
7:20 AM get up again and goto work.

This sucks.

I am so tired and crabby.

UGHGUHGUHGUHG

ANyway you guys have a good day!

2008-06-08T00:22:00.004-05:00

The city of Brainerd held a street festival tonight(sat night).

I didnt go but could hear the crowd and music from my back porch.

The band was highly annoying, this is their set as far as I could tell from when I was out smoking(Im sure I, thankfully, missed quite a few songs)

-Strait Up (who would cover Paula Abdul? YUCK!)
-Girl You Know its True (Milli Vanilli even yuckier!)
-Its Tricky (Ok I wont say anything disparaging about RunDMC, but still, theres much better music out there to cover)
-Walk like an Egyptian (thanks, but no thanks)
And I kid you not they ended their set with the cheers theme song. Their mothers must be so proud.

So once it ended I noticed there were like a thousand sirens, I assume the city of Brainerd police department pulled over a thousand drunks. Because seriously who else would be standing around in the streets listening to such a shitty cover band?

"Thanks for coming to our summer fest, see you in court"

All in all a very depressing scene that Im glad I didnt live any nearer to.

2008-06-07T01:52:00.002-05:00

I would like a non american interpretation and review of this song.

Beth, Reema, Porky please chime in.

If you are an american person please feel free to chime in as well

2008-06-06T08:20:00.002-05:00

As per Reema's request here is a picture of my cat Matsushita Kotobuki (her name is the Japanese name for Panasonic) but I call her Schmoopie for short, because she is such a little lover, she loves to be petted but never held. And she is very smart and can work a doorknob and sometimes she flushes the toilet for fun.

I love my cat very much and I cant imagine life without her following me around begging to be petted. She will say "Meow" and I will say "Meow meow meow, meow meow" back at her as she runs along beside me more like a dog than a cat, I reward this behavior by occasionally petting her when she is on the footstoll or the banister or the steps almost right under my feet.

In other news, 16 crayfish came out of my fishtank, it took me about 3 hours to get the rocks out, scoop the little buggers out and get everything put back. I put it all back in a new configuration so I could see all the hidey holes and I must say I think I got more nooks and crannies now than I had before, I also split alittle chunk off of my clump of lakeweed so Im growing a new clump off in the one corner above the "sand bar" that I have in there.

Anyway I hope everyone has a good day and a great weekend.

2008-06-05T08:03:00.002-05:00

Well, I cant wait until the weekend. Im going to take all the plants and rocks out of my fishtanks tonight when I get off work. Ill make an extremely easy dinner or even make the kids do it and then start hauling stuff out.

If your wondering why I cant wait its not because Im really excited to do this project, one of my cardinal rasoboras was attacked sometime night before last by those stinking no good crayfish. GRRR Im going to smash those little punks with a hammer Im so mad about it.

So yeah thats going to be a big bunch of heavy and hard work just to catch them...But once I have everything out they wont have any place left to hide.

In other news I finished watching the new Indiana Jones move and I really like it. Couldnt fault it with anything except maybe being alittle bit too predictable and the story moving along like the one in Raiders. But all in all I thought it was better than Crusade and Temple.

And finally Im really not feeling so hot today, I think I might be coming down with something. Either that or I ate too many tacos last night. Tacos are a big weakness of mine I guess, esp. when I load them down with jalepenos and chiles. YUM...but OoOoO my tummy hurts.

2008-06-04T08:06:00.003-05:00

Hello everyone, as I mentioned yesterday I got my hands on some fancy schmancy astrology software. A friend of mine's mom is the local gypsy lasy/fortune teller and she is looking at upgrading her computer which would entail moving to some software that runs on a newer operating system than windows98. I dont really buy into astrology but the "chart I cast" for myself using birthdate, birthtime, and location of birth seemed pretty accurate. Maybe its just because the psychology of the stuff is worked to make it seem like its accurate for you no matter what but I was pleasantly surprised.

Also I have a little patch of Eczema coming out on my left ear and its really bothering me, I medicated it with the cordaid but it still seems to be persisting. I remember when I was a kid my father would get it in his ears and always be complaining about it. I guess I am alittle like him after all.

Also for all you pufferfish lovers out there I have fed him about 300 small snails so far this week! That little glutton just eats them all up and begs for more, Im going to have to go out and get more before the weekend (Which is usually when I go out and scoop him some new food items from the local waterways) but I dont think I have much choice as he seems to be hungrier than normal this week.

and finally I started watching the next season of doctor who last night, I like the new companion Donna, not as much as liked Rose Tyler (for obvious reasons) but I think its kinda funny how she is always yelling and smacking the doctor around, much better than the blahness of Martha Jones.

Alright, well I seem to be getting hammered with HELP! calls this morning so I better scurry off and save the world from utter destruction at the hands of non working computers.

You guys have a great day!

2008-06-03T08:01:00.002-05:00

Good, this morning blogger is working, haloscan is working, fish cam is still down, and I am still alive. I dunno how good the last one really is but we will just say its good.

Last night I made some buttermilk pancakes from scratch for dinner and they were to die for. I tell you Ill never buy Bisquick again...I never realized how worthless that crap was until I started making pancakes from scratch...

1 cup flour,
1 Tbsp sugar
1 egg
2 Tbsp butter (melted)
1 cup buttermilk (more or less depending on thickness)
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 Tbsp vanilla
Cinnamon to taste

Im sure you could use regular milk but I dont think it tastes as good.

Along side of that some sausages and fruit and you have a yummy meal. Tho I warn you if you need ALOT of pancakes at least double or triple the recipe, I doubled it last night and ended up with about 16. enough to feed me and 3 hungry teenage boys.

In other news Turok is pretty awesome. Graphics are A+, game physics are A+, so far story is A. It was a nice way to whittle away 3 hours last night.

Also I am halfway through the new Indiana Jones movie and so far so good, other than the fact Indy is really old and the younger dude in the movie is obviously his son (Not revealed yet up to the halfway point, but completely obvious) and also that the way the story "moves" is similar to the Raiders of the lost ark, Its really good.

Go out and see it if you have the money, or torrent it if you have the technical knowhow.

Anyway, have a wonderful day. I have alot of stuff scheduled this morning so I dont know how much Ill be checking in. Tootloo!

2008-06-02T08:34:00.002-05:00

Wow, first over the weekend haloscan barfed all over itself and didnt work. Then this morning blogger is throwing me internal server error 500. What a bunch of junk! Also I have the fishcam down currently because it is wrecking my torrents bandwidth(turok).

Thankfully the 500's seem to have gone away.

I had a pretty good weekend, found about a million little pond snails for the pufferfish to eat, and some fish larvae also...Fish larvae are weird looking little guys, like 2 eyes on a string...I scooped them right out of the mississippi, heh...Catch me if you can department of natural resources.

Then yesterday I went to a bar-b-q at my wifes best friends house. It was nice, even tho her husband who I usually hang around with was not there. He had to work.

In other good news Dustin(19) our kid who is moved out of the house was home this weekend so we got to talk alittle and I was the reciepiant of a few hugs...Good good..No complaints here.

And also over the weekend I discovered something called "UNIT PRICE" at the grocery store, wow, is that ever handy. I spent hours and hours staring at unit prices to find the best deals. So basically I brought home a truckload of groceries for 35 bucks. Score! Cant go wrong there. This is going to revolutionalize the way grocery shopping is done around my house! I love it, its almost like a video game. I was so good at it that chicks at the grocery store were coming on to me about it. Which I thought was kinda weird but hey it did give me a nice ego boost.

And then the only bad thing that happened all weekend was I found that at least 2 of the baby crawfish(or crawdads if you prefer) have survived to get to a size big enough to worry me. I think Ill have to clean my tank out of all rocks and plants this weekend to get them out before they start eating my fish and plants. They gotta go.

I guess Ill boil them up and eat them, thus gaining their power.

Have a great day! And sorry for the exceedingly long post that I hopefully dont lose when I click publish because blogger is biting it.

2008-06-01T11:24:00.000-05:00

its spring here.

So Im posting the springyest song I got on hand.

Enjoy

06_Greg_graffin_Joan_jett_let_s_do_it.mp3 (3.2 MB)

2008-05-30T08:23:00.002-05:00

You guys will never believe it!

Someone tried to "hack" my webcam PC yesterday, unbelievable huh? As far as I can tell they were trying to deface or change what the webpage the cam is displayed on says. Fortunately for me it didnt seem to work. The stuff they were doing seemed to be on the IRC port 6667, and their(or their proxies) ip was 207.126.115.44, which rattles back to some place called Edison, NJ. I thought about contacting the place that IP is owned by but for now since the attack seemed harmless I havent. I blocked port 6667 on my router and tightened up security a bit on the webcam PC(Which is in my homemade DMZ) and virus scanned the machine just to see if there was anything on there I should be concerned about, it came up clean as a whistle.

Weird tho. I didnt imagine in my wildest dreams someone would be pathetic enough to try that.

Anyway...Its picture Friday. So here is your picture for the week. Its me at the north shore (Lake superior). Incidental its my mommy's favorite picture of me(she says I look like my dad in it).

Well have a great day and please dont try and hack my LAN again! THANKS!

2008-05-29T08:07:00.003-05:00

Good morning world!

Not much to say today, except that I got a webcam up and its pointed at my fishtank, so you too can watch a live feed of my pufferfish (When he decides to swim by the camera). Here is a handy link to it, the only problem Ive had with it so far is that the dumb camera keeps falling off the spot I have it taped to. And its alittle blurry, Ill try and get it more focused tonight when I get home.

In other news I ate waaaaaayyyy too many beans last night, OMPH! I feel like Im going to float away. Icky bloatedness.

Anyway have a great day!

2008-05-28T08:09:00.009-05:00

Man, I have been having the most vivid dreams lately.

All night, every night. Last night me and my wife were shopping for houses and I realized it was a dream and I said to her, "you can have any house you want, this is a dream" and she said, "Whatever, Robert" and then she said, "How about that one?" and pointed at a giant old house up on a hill. I said ok and we walked up to it, but it was inhabited by my paternal grandmother Elenore, So my wife didnt think that would work, then I used my magical dream powers to make all of Elenore's stuff disappear and all of a sudden all our stuff was there, then I noticed the bathtub was dirty, so I used my magical dream powers to clean the bathtub, which kinda half worked, so I tried again, which prompted my good friend(and martial arts master) John Harrington to say that it wasnt a dream at all, to which I responded if its not a dream then you can beat me up, because we all know you could beat me up in real life, so he tried to hit me but then I like held his arms and he couldnt escape my grasp, well he became very upset because he still couldnt believe it was a dream. Then all of a sudden for some reason I had to eat a bunch of runny eggs because the kids wouldnt eat them. Then I woke up, wondering what the dream symbolism of runny eggs was.

It was weird, then I went back to sleep, and I had some more dreams about people living in the woods and collecting holographic figurines, Which I offered to sell them some more of, then I had a dream that I was the child of count Dracula, who was driving in a way too fast manner to the house of his next victim, Mrs. Dracula thought he was driving too fast with the child in the car, to which he just sped up, and I remember looking at the speedometer and he was going 90. Mrs. Dracula just got more upset by that and started yelling at him. I thought the whole fight was rather silly because since we were vampires we obviously couldnt die in a car crash.

Then I woke up and I was running 15 minutes late because the alarm didnt go off. But this was in real life so I had to hurry up and get the kids off to school and take my wife to work because she works the same hours as me today and we car polled.

Ive been having crazy lucid dreams like that for about a week now and I must admit I kinda like it.

I have to go and find out what runny eggs in dreams means now, sorry for the exceedingly long post but, yaknow, I type them as they come to me.

Hope everyone has a great day!

2008-05-27T08:06:00.003-05:00

Howdy, What a long weekend I had.

I warned em once, I warned em twice, but the third time I saw my rosy barbs chomp at my pufferfish I decided they had to go. They were a real pain in the butt to catch, but with alittle teamwork from Johnathan(15) I had em in my hot little nets, then I flushed em. I felt bad about it too...I loved those rosy barbs, but if I had to choose between them and the puffer the choice was obvious, whooooosh, down the toilet they went. I tried to pawn them off on some of my fish friends but none would take them.

Oh well. Kinda depressing but Ill get over it.

Speaking of which here is a pretty crappy video I made of the puffer eating some tadpoles I caught in my brand new pool net over the weekend

Have a great day!

2008-05-26T09:18:00.003-05:00

I just got done feeding some tadpoles to my puffer.

I have the day off today. Thanks to all the dead people of the world.

Esp the vets. Thanks for sacrificing yourselves for freedom, justice and the American way. I hope us live Americans do a good job of keeping our ideals safe and protected.

Anyway I have some fish water changes to do and I need to find out if I need to drop off my time sheet today.

Im sorry if my post was lame today, Im alittle sleepy and groggy and Im having problems thinking straight.

Have a great day!

2008-05-23T08:22:00.000-05:00

3 day weekend! Woohoo!!!

I got big plans this weekend too. Im going to drag some ponds with a net to catch bugs and small crustacions for my pufferfish, a little bar-b-q, and tonight I have to go to a friend of my wife's kid's graduation. Hopefully I can avoid any after party, I really dont want to hang around with a bunch of 18 year old kids, meh, they annoy me.

Carrie had asked yesterday that I post more pictures, so Ill try and start having a picture friday or something like that and post at least one picture a week. Today Im going to post my favorite picture ever! Its from my wedding, I particularly enjoy my wifes expression in it. Dont you?

2008-05-22T07:30:00.001-05:00

Good Morning!

I had to come into work an hour early today and I must admit, Im pretty sleepy, I didnt get to sleep when I should have last night...I nodded off about 1:20, after lying in bed since 11. Ugh. 4 hours and 40 minutes is not enough sleep, I remember I used to sustain that for a week. I dont know how I did it.

In other news I put up an ftp server last night and stuck a bunch of crap on it. Lemme know if you would like an account. It sure took awhile to copy 20 gb(Mp3s) of data to it. I think Ill end up putting another 20 gb of stuff on it tonight(Read here cracked games).

Another one of my big goals today is to not mention my puffer fish in my blog post.

Guess I failed.

Anyway have a great day!